woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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