haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
