Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
only if we run a train.
done.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
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no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
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I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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