my room smells like sperm. sweet.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
