The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
