good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
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