is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
