I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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