come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize