Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
