if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Randomize
