Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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