can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
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