mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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