i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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