i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
