erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
