dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
it wasn't lemon gatorade
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
