this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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