Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
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Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
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Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.