Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is