remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
