is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
