The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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