OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
