i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
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