I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just threw up on my dentist
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
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