my room smells like sperm. sweet.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
