saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
