There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
