Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
