i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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