hotel room ftw
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
