so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
