The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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