your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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