dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
