you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
