My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
