weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
what day is it and did you see me today?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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