I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
