literally had 100 drinks last night.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im holly from the hills drunk
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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