I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
My hand turned me down
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize