I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
