Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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