Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
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Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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