filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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