Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
