Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
