It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
