not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
