you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
