in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
There r osticjed everywhere
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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