Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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