Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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