If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I think pants incapable of making pants work
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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