Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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