You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
