I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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