filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
