She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Randomize
