I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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