I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
