I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
