Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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