Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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