I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
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