just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
