Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
