I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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