At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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