well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
