So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
