More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize