why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
