so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
