I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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